Venue: Fiddler’s Green Amphitheater (Lollapalooza)
Location: Englewood, CO
Hole Lineup: Courtney Love (Guitar/Vocals), Eric Erlandson (Guitar), Melissa Auf der Maur (Bass/Background Vocals), and Patty Schemel (Drums).
CL: ??
Guy in Crowd #1: What’s up, man?
Guy in Crowd #2: ‘Sup?
Girl in Crowd: Hey, guys.
Guy in Crowd: What you got?
CL: If you throw one more drop of liquid on my body, I’ll kick your fucking ass.
Girl in Crowd: Soak the bitch.
CL: Drink your beer. It cost you a lot. I just made 50 cents.
Girl in Crowd: I can’t see nothing.
-PLUMP
Guy in Crowd: Melissa, I love you!
CL: You can’t hear shit? That’s ’cause you’re not…it’s ’cause, uh, the venue sucks. It’s not my fault.
Girl in Crowd: The venue’s ok. Hey, I like Fiddler’s. I like Fiddler’s.
CL: ??
Girl in Crowd: She said the venue sucks, I think it’s ok.
CL: Is this like the T-shirt equivalent of a Birkenstock? Melissa, would you like this? It’s really pretty.
-MISS WORLD
Girl in Crowd: I love her – Melissa Auf der Maur. You can’t hear her though.
Guy in Crowd: I love you, Melissa!
CL: There’s no such thing as waterproof mascara, I swear to God.
CL: Well, what is the song? What?
Guy in Crowd: Doll Parts!
Girl in Crowd: DOLL PARTS!
CL: I give you the water, don’t give it back – you fuck with my guitar, asshole.
CL: This song’s dedicated to someone I love.
-BEAUTIFUL SON
CL: That was, uh, a bad rip off of I Wanna Be Your Dog anyway. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!
Audience cheers.
Guy in Crowd: You go girl!
CL: Is this the anti-gay state, right? Aren’t you the people that voted for the anti-gay thing? That’s you, right? Anyone that voted for that in this audience, I’ll kick your ass. (Note: She’s likely referring to Colorado’s Amendment 2, which passed in 1992 and prohibited the state from passing laws protecting gays, lesbians, and bisexuals from discrimination. In 1995, the Supreme Court was deliberating on whether it was unconstitutional – they eventually decided that it was).
Girl in Crowd: ?? Generalizations don’t work ?? homosexuals ??
CL: This is not water.
CL: Melissa, that’s a really pretty shirt.
Girl in Crowd: A lot of people here don’t feel that way.
MADM: ?? people are kind of reserved though, I gotta say.
CL: Well, they’re small.
Girl in Crowd: Maybe we just don’t like you!
CL: Maybe they have small penises!
-ASKING FOR IT
CL: What’s this? I don’t need some.
Girl in Crowd: I think she is so grating on my nerves. Her voice is so grating on my nerves.
CL: Who’s the first rock star who’s gonna get it? I wonder. Well, it’s not gonna be me, ’cause I’ve been tested.
CL: I hate those old songs, you guys. Shut up, I’ve gotta play this fucking emotional thing, man, shut up. Don’t be quiet – make some fucking noise, gay bashers!
Audience screams.
CL: I’m a f*g. That’s my girlfriend. Melissa.
Guy in Crowd: Kiss her! Kiss her!
CL: Everyone on this stage is a f*g. Ok, Beavis.
Girl in Crowd #1: ?? us are gay bashers? Gay bashers? C’mon. Let’s use some thought process here.
Girl in Crowd #2: I know, it’s like, half of us aren’t even old enough to vote in here.
CL: Wait, wait, Patty, I have to have a drink. Then I swear I won’t talk anymore.
Girl in Crowd #1: She’s a bitch. Her music is good, but she’s a bitch.
Girl in Crowd #2: No talent. No, she’s got no talent. No talent.
Opening chords of Softer, Softest.
CL: (Singing) I tell you everything…
CL: Eric, ?? just do it that way, just do it, just do it, I’ll do it my way.
Girl in Crowd #1: I take it you don’t like her.
Girl in Crowd #2: What?
Girl in Crowd #1: I take it you don’t like her very much.
Girl in Crowd #2: She’s mad that nobody here likes her.
-SOFTER, SOFTEST
CL: Some guys are just dickheads.
-CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD
CL: Eric, the twins are back. I can see the acid-washed asses of the twins. You bored them. I think they came to ?? There are these two twins with acid washed shorts with long blonde hair.
Eric plays the riff to Metallica’s Enter Sandman.
CL: I think it’s the wrong festival for that. No, I think Perry will show you his ??
Guy in Crowd: I love you, Melissa!
CL: Patty, it’s Colorado. ??
Girl in Crowd #1: What did she say?
Girl in Crowd #2: It’s Colorado.
CL: Don’t take it personally, you did have that gay bill though – and you got the twins.
Guy in Crowd: I love you, Melissa!
Girl in Crowd: She doesn’t talk much.
-BEST SUNDAY DRESS
(CUT)
Girl in Crowd: There he is, there he is. That’s him, that’s me, see, see, see. That was me and Janet, we were just walking around, just checking out the show, we’ve been walking everywhere ??
CL: Haha. It’s Beck’s birthday.
Audience cheers.
MADM: And yours tomorrow.
CL: Is mine tomorrow?
MADM: Tomorrow’s Sunday, right?
CL: Me and Beck are that close?
MADM: Yes. Cancer, water people, all for you.
CL: (Singing) Happy birthday to Beck, Happy birthday to Beck, you are not a loser, happy birthday to Beck.
CL: I’ll forget my birthday. I’d just like to stay 25. I am 25. I’ve been 25 for a lot of years now. Shut up, I’ve gotta smoke! This is for Beck.
CL: We’ll do Mountain Song and Perry’ll come and you’ll be really happy.
CL: (Singing) Comin’ down…
CL: Wait, can you do that bass line? Can you do that drum part? Why? ‘Cause he’s a better drummer than you?
CL: This is the first woman ever that’s gonna be on the cover of Modern Drummer. IF YOU DON’T FUCKING CHEER, PLEASE! I swear to God. Shut up or I’m…I’m not gonna talk.
-I THINK THAT I WOULD DIE
CL: Do you want your sunglasses back? They’re broken. Hahaha. Do you want water?
-SHE’S LOST CONTROL
Eric is playing with his drum machine.
CL: Stop that fucking Nine Inch Nails bullshit or I’ll kick your ass.
Eric plays the riff to Enter Sandman.
CL: Ok, do it, do it, I dare you, do it, Metallica, do it, I dare you, I dare you.
Eric plays the riff to Enter Sandman.
Audience screams.
CL: Finish it, c’mon, do it, do it. You can’t finish anything? I used to fuck you. You couldn’t finish that either.
CL: Yes, you can have a cigarette. Share, they’re the expensive ones. Give ’em the smokes. Give ’em to that girl. Yeah, she gave me some money and ??
-DOLL PARTS
CL: I’ve gotta say this, you’re really kind of a good audience. I don’t see one fucking Pearl Jam shirt in this whole place.
Audience screams.
CL: To me, that’s like…that’s like a good fuck – and only two Nine Inch Nails shirts, so that’s good, ’cause there’s more of our shirts than there are Nine Inch Nails shirts. HA! Which means that we made more money than they did! HA! What do you want? You bought the shirt. If I took off my underwear, you could see how big my ?? is. ?? for so long. I don’t want to show everything. Do you want a doll?
CL: Hey, give it to the one that gave us money.
CL: This is a new song. It’s also about a dick. What? Oh, it isn’t? Oh, ok. Well, this is an old song, but it’s also about a dick.
-VIOLET
CL: We only have five dolls left, ’cause you know, me and Beck, you know, we’re Cancers and we’re too generous. Does he, like, fuck everyone like me? I’m just kidding, I don’t fuck anyone. Alright, what? What? What? What’s next? Oh, this is even about a bigger jerk, like the biggest jerk, and it’s new and it’s pretty. No, Billy was the other jerk. He’s not the ?? jerk.
-SUGAR COMA
Guy in Crowd: Hey, do you want this or not?
CL: I punched this girl from this town the other day. I got grounded for it. No, she’s not a bitch…I think she’s a bitch, but ??
-OLYMPIA
CL: (Singing) Mary, Mary, Mary, dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, up her back, back, back, she flew so high, high, high, she touched the sky, sky, sky, she flew so high, high, high, she touched the sky. It’s all whores, it’s all pain, it’s all disease man, it’s all the same. My little Judas, my little twin, where you start, that’s where I begin. Have you ever seen a cripple dance? Well, you paid your money, now’s your chance.
-OLYMPIA (RESUMES)
CL: I see more bouncers than I do kids. Is there a problem? I see like nineteen bouncers. (Singing) One time, I fucked a bouncer, ’cause I was really, really drunk. He was kind of a loser, not a very good fuck.
CL: I didn’t swallow though. I spit.
-OLYMPIA (RESUMES)
CL: Oh yeah, we’re a band, you know. It’s not just, you know, Courtney – it’s fucker and Patty and Melissa, you know, just so you know – and ?? ?? that we all hate. So next up, there’ll be Sonic Youth, your favorite band. We love Sonic Youth – Yay! ??
CL: ?? I’m really sorry bouncers.