i don’t know how to start..
last night was completely insane.

she walked out on stage like a goddess. all this rage and fury and fire and spunk.. so beautiful. it was windy out, and her hair was flying around.. she was wearing a denim jumpsuit type thing, that cuffed around her ankles. she had these beatiful strands of diamonds hanging off her jumpsuit. she was sparkling and shining as she sang.

she said she was gonna pull out all the girls and put them on stage with her. but i think the first girl she pulled out pissed her off, so she was also the last. the girl kept trying to touch her and kept asking her if she could sing. and courtney kept telling her to sit her ass down and shut the fuck up, but i just don’t think she got it. finally she screamed something along the lines of, “sit your motherfucking ass down and don’t fucking talk to me, or i’ll have them throw you out!” so the girl sat down, and courtney decided to leave the stage.

none of the security guards were really paying attention to courtney because the crowd was getting out of control. i’ve never been kicked in the face, or head so many times in my life. but it was all worth it. and i would’ve taken a beating ten times as worse to get what i got..

i got to hold her hand.

they did a cover of the song “voices carry” by til’ tuesday. and she seemed like an angel as she made her way over to my section of the crowd. she jumped off the stage herself, and climbed over the barricade and sat down on the top of the metal fence.. right in front of me.

her skin was so pale and beatiful. her hair was perfectly soft and shiny. her lips, were twice the size they should be.. and her ribs stuck out so much, it almost scared me. but she was still there, and i was seeing her. she was right infront of me. and she was holding my hand. i wanted to take so many pictures, but i didn’t want to blind her or piss her off. i wanted her to stay there forever. i was crying and singing, and she was so beautiful. so perfect. and at the end of the song it was just her over and over saying “hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry.” and her voice was so raw.. and she just seemed so tired. and i wanted to hug her, and comfort her in any way i could. but instead, she let go of my hand, wiped away my tears, and grabbed it again. and as she held on to my hand so tight, she screamed; “what the fuck are you waiting for? fucking grab me you pricks!”

then it got chaotic, and people were going crazy. pulling at her, trying to just get anything they could. just so they could take piece of her as their own, forever. and the whole time, she never let go of my hand. then the security guards got freaked out, i guess, and they started pulling her out of the crowd.

it broke my heart when she said, “you know, i’ll probably fuck up again tonight. watch me. i’ll get arrested in atlanta for eating a peach. and one more thing, GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTER!” and they dove into “plump” and she was so filled with rage, and it was so crazy. so crazy, and so perfect.

they started out with “mono”. full blast. and they played so many songs. “sunset strip”, “miss world”, “malibu”, i can’t remember all of them.. but the very last song was “doll parts”. the entire band had left the stage, and tried to pull courtney with them.. but she stayed out and sang it alone. just her screams and her guitar. it was the perfect close.