Venue: Club Quattro
Location: Osaka, Japan
Hole Lineup: Courtney Love (Guitar/Vocals), Eric Erlandson (Guitar), Melissa Auf der Maur (Bass/Background Vocals), and Patty Schemel (Drums).
Another artist’s music is playing.
Audience screams.
CL: Moshi Moshi. Moshi Moshi.
CL: Hello.
Audience screams.
CL: How are you? Domo arigato gozaimasu.
-PLUMP
-SUGAR COMA
-BEAUTIFUL SON
Courtney pants heavily into the mic.
-MISS WORLD
CL: Thank you.
Audience cheers.
Guy in Crowd: You’re sexy!
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
Audience cheers.
CL: Oh, chiki, chiki, oh.
Guy in Crowd: We’re asking for it!
Girl in Crowd: I need a cigarette.
CL: What, are there gaijins in this audience?
Guy in Crowd: Hell no.
CL: Uh, get out!
Guy in Crowd: Courtney, welcome back.
CL: Are you Japan…no, you’re gaijin, go away.
Audience cheers.
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: Welcome back. Last time I got deported.
Guy in Crowd: Why?!
CL: Why? For working without a license. I was dancing in Roppongi…without my shirt on. Yeah, you don’t want to hear the rest of this story.
-JENNIFER’S BODY
-PRETTY PERSUASION
CL: That’s a…that’s a really bad R.E.M. cover.
CL: Did any of you guys go see R.E.M.?
There are some cheers from the audience.
CL: Yes? Aren’t they great?
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: What? Oh, you’re too hardcore to like R.E.M.? R.E.M. is so good, fuck you.
Guy in Crowd: They’re wimps!
CL: Baka! (??)
-ASKING FOR IT
Guy in Crowd: Courtney, you’re sexy!
CL: This is Melissa Auf der Maur, of, uh, Montreal, our new bass player.
Audience cheers.
MADM: ??
CL: Louder, louder.
Audience cheers louder.
CL: Yes, yes.
MADM: Merci.
CL: Oh, no more gaijins, that’s good.
Guy in Crowd: I voted for your Dad, Melissa! I voted for your Dad!
MADM: You’re joking.
CL: You voted for…are you from Montreal? You voted for, um, Nick Auf der Maur?
MADM: My father. (Laughs)
CL: What’s your name?
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: You voted for her Dad…her Dad runs for Mayor. He runs for Mayor in, um…in, um…
MADM: He did. What a tiny world.
CL: It’s a damn small world, I’ll tell ya.
MADM: ??
CL: Your father is not as embarrassing as my father. My father goes on talk shows.
CL: Let’s see. Should we do a Smashing Pumpkins cover?
Audience cheers.
CL: No! They’re all about me anyway. I already sing enough songs about myself – maybe there’s one about Melissa. I think it’s called Hello Kitty Kat – I think that Billy told me that one’s about you, I’ve been meaning to tell you that, but I just thought I’d tell you in public. It’s on, uh, Pisces Iscariot, it’s called Hello Kitty Kat. It’s about how you wouldn’t sleep with him.
CL: Alright, I want to dedicate this song to an asshole, but I’m not gonna name him.
Opening chords to Gutless.
CL: Wait.
-GUTLESS
Opening chords to Chad.
CL: I wrote this song with Billy Pumpkin once, wait, I’ve gotta remember it, wait, ?? Can you play it? I’ll sing it if you play it. I wrote this song with Billy Pumpkin, it’s really bad.
-CHAD
CL: (During song) Do it again. The last verse is really important.
CL: Oh, I haven’t played that in, like, four years, since I went out with him.
Eric plays the riff to Gary Numan’s Cars.
CL: But we wrote it together, me and Billy Pumpkin once. It kinda sucks though.
CL: What’s next?
CL: Speaking of Billy Pumpkin.
-SOFTER, SOFTEST
-WHOSE PORNO YOU BURN (BLACK)/BIBLE BELT
CL: It was a jam, you know, give us a break.
-I THINK THAT I WOULD DIE
CL: Me and my husband, who went to Buddha, um, wrote this song together, um, and, um, do you want to hear it? It’s called Pennyroyal Tea.
Audience cheers.
CL: We wrote it together. I wrote most of the lyric, well, I wrote some of the lyrics. Obviously the part about the stomach thing wasn’t me.
Guy in Crowd: You don’t have to justify it.
CL: I know, but I never play it, except we’re in Japan, so no one will find out, ’cause I can’t…I can’t read the writing. (Laughs) So I won’t get in trouble.
Guy in Crowd: We won’t tell anyone.
CL: Oh, it’ll be on MTV News.
-PENNYROYAL TEA
CL: I’ve never done that before, ’cause…you know why.
Audience: Thank you!
CL: He did it way better.
Guy in Crowd: I don’t know.
CL: Yeah, me neither. I thought I added a good bridge.
CL: What’s fucking next?
Guy in Crowd: Courtney!
CL: What’s that?
Girl in Crowd: ??
CL: What?
Girl in Crowd: ??
CL: No, none of that old shit.
Girl in Crowd: Babydoll!
CL: No, no, no, get Babes in Toyland to do that, you know. We don’t do that anymore.
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: What’s that?
Girl in Crowd: What’s that?
CL: It’s a present.
Audience cheers.
CL: Maybe it’s a rubber for my non-existent sex life. See, I can say anything to you and, um, some of you are understanding it and some of you won’t.
Guy in Crowd: It’s a rubber!
CL: Um, yeah, when am I gonna use it? In 2004?
Guy in Crowd: Olympia.
CL: Not! Not!
-PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
-WHO IS THE BULLET?
CL: Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
-BEST SUNDAY DRESS
-CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD
Guy in Crowd: Garbadge Whore! Teenage Whore!
CL: Well, you’re a damn psychic, aren’t ya, dude, ’cause that’s next.
Guy in Crowd: No shit.
Girl in Crowd: Give me some water!
CL: Um, I can’t flick my ashes on the stage. Is that polite?
Girl in Crowd: ??
CL: Wakaranai. Wakaranai. Nani?
Girl in Crowd: Give me some water! Give me some water!
CL: Water? Ok, ok.
CL: Hai, hai.
She pours water into the crowd.
Audience screams.
CL: FUCK ME, I’M RICH!
-TEENAGE WHORE
CL: (Singing) Babydoll in your nazi car, can’t believe what a whore you are, my sweet tooth has burned a hole through the nazi kitchen you call your soul, he’s cold, give him a candy coat, coat my black lungs in her throat and I lost it all, what is left it’s nothing, yeah, I lost it all, yeah, I lost it all.
CL: Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Me and Eric are Buddhists – so was Kurt. We’re Buddhists.
Girl in Crowd: ??
CL: Uh, no ??. Tibetan, Japanese, Nichiren Shōshū.
Girl in Crowd: ??
Guy in Crowd: Are you going to the temple?
CL: No, we’re gonna go to, um, the Dai Gohonzon in, uh, in, uh – where is it, Eric?
EE: ??
CL: Where is it? Osaka?
EE: Taiseki-ji.
CL: Taiseki-ji? Taiseki-ji.
Girl in Crowd: Osaka! Osaka!
CL: No, Dai Gohonzon…Taiseki-ji. Taiseki-ji. Eric, it’s a really easy language. It’s easier than German or Japanese, it’s not that hard of a language, alright.
Guy in Crowd: Yeah, right, Courtney.
CL: Taiseki-ji. Hai hai. Wakaru. Wakaru.
CL: Anata watashi.
-DOLL PARTS
CL: Domo arigato.
Guy in Crowd: Courtney!
CL: Yes? Present for Frances? Domo arigato. Thank you very much.
Guy in Crowd: Is Frances here?
CL: Frances has…Frances has the chicken pox all over her butt. She got chicken pox on her butt.
CL: Hai, hai.
CL: No, no. Nani? Oh.
CL: You’re so polite. Don’t you ever want to just like fucking, like take your clothes off and dance on the fucking table or something?
Guy in Crowd: Show us how, Courtney!
CL: Just, like, you know, rip off your shirt and just like, fucking go, ‘fuck you.’ You Japanese, you’re just so polite, you’re so nice, just be mean or something. Alright, alright, alright, you’re gonna do something really bad now – on three, ichi ni san, you’re gonna say ‘fuck’ really loud. Ichi ni san – FUCK! C’mon louder! Ichi ni san – FUCK!
Audience screams.
CL: Very good. Now you feel better, yeah?
Eric is playing with his drum machine.
CL: Eric, stop that shit, alright. We went on tour with Nine Inch Nails and he turned all techno. Stop it! The techno shit.
Guy in Crowd: Be nice. Be nice.
CL: Shut up, Eric…Nani? Nani? What? Oh no, no, just joke fight. Joke fight.
Guy in Crowd: He looks like Tom Petty.
CL: Hey, hey, hey, he’s been told that his whole life – don’t you start. Hey, hey, gaijin, get the fuck out of here.
Audience cheers.
Guy in Crowd: Sorry!
CL: Baka (??)
Guy in Crowd: You rock so hard.
CL: Yeah, I should grow a dick, huh?
Guy in Crowd: You don’t need it.
-VIOLET
-HE HIT ME (AND IT FELT LIKE A KISS) (TEASE)
CL: Hey Chad – do they do encores here or not?
Guy in Crowd: Yeah. Yes, they do. (Laughs)
-SUGAR COMA
CL: Thank you. Goodnight.
Audience starts chanting “Courtney.”
(Fade out)
Audience cheers.
CL: Oh, so much for the polite Japanese. Give me my hair band back. I can’t put up my hair without it. I get hot.
Guy in Crowd: She should have stole your underwear.
CL: Thank you.
CL: You know, we are a band, uh, Melissa, Eric, Patty.
Guy in Crowd: Eric!
CL: If it was just me, I’d sound like, lame, like Liz Phair or something. It wouldn’t work. Maybe…maybe Polly Harvey could do it, but uh, uh, we’re a band, so don’t give all the presents to me. That’s Eric, better known as Drew Barrymore’s boyfriend (Laughs).
Guy in Crowd #1: Yes!
Guy in Crowd #2: Really?
CL: That’s Patty, better known as the first female ever on the cover of Drum World magazine.
Audience cheers.
CL: And that’s Melissa, who sings all her backups in French.
Guy in Crowd: Really?
CL: Eric, when I lived here in 1980, like Duran Duran was so big they had to ?? around like ash trays. They won’t get the Duran Duran joke, it’s totally an American thing. It’s not…it’s not a Japanese thing. They won’t get it.
Guy in Crowd: Do it anyway!
-I’M SO HIGH
Guy in Crowd: Rock Star!
CL: Melissa. I heard a few ‘Melissa’s out there. On three, I want you to say ‘Melissa.’ One..ichi ni san…
There are a few screams of “Melissa” from the audience.
CL: Oh, come on, louder or I’m not gonna play anymore.
MADM: ??
CL: Ichi ni san – Melissa!
Audience screams.
CL: Ok, on three you say ‘Eric’. Ichi ni san – Eric!
Audience screams.
CL: Ok, on three you say ‘Patty’. Ichi ni san – Patty!
Audience screams.
CL: Ooh, I think you’d win the Gong show there.
Guy in Crowd: Eric, you rock.
CL: He rocks and, um, I used to go out with him. He fucks pretty good too. He got the Barrymore. She’s on the cover of Playboy.
Guy in Crowd: Naked pictures? Is that for real?
CL: Eric, why didn’t you talk Drew out of being on the cover of Playboy? That was so stupid.
CL: So, I’m gonna do one movie in my rock star career, with Brad…Brad Pitt. Next year – and we…and we bone in the movie, but it’s just ’cause he looks like, um, my, um, my, my guy who went to heaven. That’s why I did it.
Guy in Crowd: What about Straight to Hell?!
CL: Where I looked like 195 lbs? If you bring that up again, I’ll punch your fucking lights out. I’d rather talk about being deported from Japan – that’s even less embarrassing, ok. At least I had a figure then.
Guy in Crowd: I loved it!
CL: Oh come on, I was so fat – what are you talking about? Alright, you want a little punk rock? Here we go.
-SHE WALKS ON ME
CL: What riff was that? That’s nice. What riff was that, Eric? C’mon Eric, what riff was that you just played? ERIC!
CL: Me and, um, Kurt and Patty wrote this song one time, when we were in Brazil. It kind of sucks, but it’s kind of cool. Just go. Do you want to start it?
Opening chords to Drunk in Rio.
CL: Ahh, shut up. Wait, I’ll start again. Shh.
-DRUNK IN RIO
-OLYMPIA/BIBLE BELT
CL: (During song) (Panting) I was faking it.
Courtney stage dives.
Audience screams.
Courtney returns to the stage.
CL: Give me my necklace part back. It’s my locket. It’s mine…it’s…it’s mine, please give it back. Please. Give it back. Please. You over there – please give it back, you took it off my neck, it’s a gold ball, please, please, it was my grandmother’s, please. Please, please, give it back, please. We played a good show, don’t take it, it’s my favorite thing, please. Please.
Audience screams.
CL: Domo arigato. It’s my hero. Thank you! Thank you so much!