Venue: Ritz Capri Theater
Location: Charlotte, NC
Hole Lineup: Courtney Love (Guitar/Vocals), Eric Erlandson (Guitar), Melissa Auf der Maur (Bass/Background Vocals), and Patty Schemel (Drums).
Audience screams.
Girl in Crowd: I can’t move.
CL: Who’s on doll duty? There just aren’t enough dolls up here. I’m not playing.
Audience screams.
CL: See ya.
Someone in Crowd: We love you!
CL: Hi, girls.
-PLUMP
-SUGAR COMA
-BEAUTIFUL SON
-JUST DO IT
CL: I get a little obsessed with things.
CL: That was our fake answer back to PJ Harvey. Do you think…I think we did it fucking really good. It was, like, a fake answer to a PJ Harvey song.
Guy in Crowd: I love you, Courtney!
CL: I need to get laid really bad.
Audience cheers.
CL: I’m looking for a sort of Johnny Depp, Ethan Hawke, Brad Pitt type…because I’m turning into a real bitch, ??
CL: Can you…can you do Brad Pitt? Shut up, Eric!
-MISS WORLD
Guy in Crowd: We’re trying to find our dear friend. We’re trying to find our friend. We’re looking for our friend.
-DROWN SODA
CL: Kiss my foot.
Guy in Crowd: No way!
CL: This is a really fluff.
CL: All these guy rock stars, they’ve got these little dicks and stuff. ‘Cause see girl rock stars you can’t tell how big our dicks are ’cause they go all the way inside. I pissed in this, c’mon.
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: Ok, thanks for the advice, dickhead.
Girl in Crowd #1: Retard Girl!
Girl in Crowd #2: When I went to school in Olympia-ya-ya!
Girl in Crowd #1: Play Retard Girl!
Girl in Crowd #2: Play Rock Star, Courtney!
CL: That’s Melissa Auf der Maur.
Audience cheers.
CL: LOUDER!
Audience cheers louder.
MADM: We went hunting today for babies and wild animals.
Note: There is a large, taxidermied deer head on stage. The babies Melissa is referring to are the dolls that were used to decorate the stage.
CL: But we just shot this big fucking animal up – good shot, Missy. Look at his face, do you think he looked like that when he died?
CL: Goddamn, bouncers.
-JENNIFER’S BODY
CL: I want to see lights on these people.
Audience cheers.
CL: Just checking out your gene pool, that’s all.
CL: That was a tester, not even. Put a fucking bunch of girls in front, I’ll think about it.
CL: These fans are useless, they don’t even ?? Can you feel this fan? I can’t feel this fan.
-TAKE AWAY JAM
CL: Go, Missy.
-ASKING FOR IT
Someone in Crowd: Eric!
CL: (Singing) Head like a hole, black as your…VD.
CL: (Laughs) Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to do that anymore.
CL: I have short-term memory, I forget when I make up with somebody. I take all that back. Can we have a smoke break, please? You guys pick each other up. I’ll smoke.
-INSTRUMENTAL JAM
CL: That was a Pearl Jam, Eric. (Laughs)
CL: Has anyone else here had gonorrhea? Am I the only one?
Audience cheers.
CL: You know, Michael Stipe told me that 75 percent of all men lie about their sexual histories – and it’s true.
CL: So, girls, they lie on their applications, I’m telling you.
CL: What? You’ve had gonorrhea? I knew you’ve had crabs. Well, I had chlamydia. We’ve all had chlamydia. Chlamydia! Everyone in this room’s had chlamydia! Oh, right. Oh, look at them fucking little shit O.J. people in the back – you’ve never had chlamydia?! What, were you first to buy a ticket to see me? Oh, oh, I’m gonna cack on stage for your entertainment right here in North fucking Carolina. Not!
Someone in Crowd: Courtney, I love you!
CL: I love you too, but I don’t want to give you my gono-fucking-rrhea. Except you might like my gonorrhea, ’cause, you know, I got it from somebody you know.
-GUTLESS
Audience screams.
CL: What? I don’t have gonorrhea anymore. What am I thinking right now? That’s the lamest question. If anybody ever asked me on a date that question, ‘What are you thinking?’, I’d fucking kick you in the nuts.
Eric plays the riff to Gary Numan’s Cars.
CL: That’s the stupidest question. Oh, like, right after you fuck, ‘What are you thinking?’ Doy. You’re a guy, you should know better. Girls, never ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ It’s a really bad move. I’m write…we’re writing this song right now, so just shut up. We’re being The Grateful Dead.
-JUST DO IT (FUCK YOU TO DEATH)
CL: (Singing) It’s all whores, it’s all pain, it’s all disease, man, it’s all the same. It’s all whores, it’s all pain, it’s all disease, it’s all the fucking same.
-SOFTER, SOFTEST
Girl in Crowd: Retard Girl!
CL: Melissa, you know, you should try the water thing. They get hot.
CL: This is a virgin.
Audience cheers.
CL: And this is the whore. Isn’t that a nice dichotomy?
MADM: We’re a complicated group of people here.
CL: Oh, Melissa, you remind me so much of myself at your age.
-I THINK THAT I WOULD DIE
Opening chords to Best Sunday Dress.
CL: This is a waltz.
-BEST SUNDAY DRESS
CL: How’s life in this town?
Audience: It sucks!
CL: Yeah, well, we say that everywhere, so…
Eric plays the riff to Gary Numan’s Cars.
Guy in Crowd: Suck my dick!
Audience screams.
CL: What? What? You want a Diet Coke?
Eric plays a Human League riff.
CL: I cannot deal with the Human League thing, alright? The Gary Numan thing’s fine, not…
Audience: Courtney!
CL: I just…I’m sick of this whole fucking thing right now. I’m quitting.
Audience: ??
CL: Why did you say I was James Hetfield?
Audience: ??
CL: Yeah, well, it’s just, they put me in People magazine too much. That’s supposed to be my fault? Wait a minute. I’m gonna tell you a little story, real quick. Ok, I’m on an airplane, I put my feet up and I say ‘fuck you’ to a stewardess, I get arrested, you know, we all know this, big deal. Same day, wait, wait…same day…Perry Farrell, I won’t name names, was…stop, Eric. This is a fucking story…was in the lobby of the Nikko Hotel, smoking crack, waving a gun in front of an MTV crew. Now that’s news! My feet are not news! Don’t fucking blame me!
CL: This is to jarheads of the world.
-PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
-CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD
Audience screams.
CL: What?! Are you cute? Just checking out your gene pool here, you know.
Girl in Crowd: Teenage Whore!
Guy in Crowd: Courtney!
CL: I’d take acid with you, c’mon. Good teeth, fine stock, fine.
Guy in Crowd: Courtney! Courtney!
CL: No, no, let’s just fucking do it, alright, bad.
-TEENAGE WHORE
CL: Good body. Like, if I was a guy saying this stuff, I’d fucking want to kill me. I should stop, since I’m a feminist.
Guy in Crowd: Play some shit!
Girl in Crowd: Freebird! Freebird! Freebird!
CL: (Singing) Freebird! Freebird!
CL: Are you fucking happy now, you little bitch?
Guy in Crowd: Thanks, you whore!
CL: My name is Alice Cooper.
Guy in Crowd: Courtney!
CL: This is a song about being discombobulated, giving gonorrhea, having idiot rock star possible boyfriends, which fuck, I’ll never do again, and it’s dedicated (Laughs) to Paul Barker, who’s in Ministry, who’s married and I have a crush on. I said it out loud, Melissa (Laughs). He’s the bass player, he’s married, and I think he’s hot. What do you do?
MADM: ??
CL: That’s right, ‘nothing’ says the virgin. Thanks a lot, I like that advice. He’s so hot, really calm, like a human prozac sort of. Shut up, I’m getting sensitive now!
-DOLL PARTS
CL: (During song) Sing it or I’m not gonna do it anymore.
Audience sings “Someday you will ache like I ache.”
CL: (During song) Do it again.
Audience sings “Someday you will ache like I ache.”
CL: (During song) I doubt it.
The song resumes. At the very end, Courtney whispers “Someday you will ache like I ache.”
The audience sings the lyric.
CL: Again.
Courtney whispers “Someday you will ache like I ache.”
The audience sings the lyric.
CL: Again.
The audience sings the lyric.
CL: Thanks.
CL: Virgin-whore. Isn’t this a great visual? And there’s Eric.
Audience cheers.
CL: And that’s Patty Schemel, who Lars Ulrich is obsessed with, ’cause he can’t believe a chick is a better drummer than him.
Guy in Crowd: Bullshit!
CL: He comes to all our shows and just sits and stares at Patty. Lars is not known as being a great drummer anyway, but, like, Patty’s better than him. Like, how could a girl be a better drummer than the drummer of Metallica? Patty Schemel, first female ever on the cover of Drum World magazine.
Audience cheers.
Eric plays the riff to Metallica’s Enter Sandman.
CL: (Singing) Enter night…
Audience cheers.
CL: So, yeah, we’re playing with Metallica. We’re making 400,000 dollars for one show to play the Arctic Circle and they’re making a million – for 500 kids. That’s a fucking lot of pocket money, man. Girls, I suggest you start a band – and when you do…
There’s some screaming in the audience.
CL: Shut up! Girls, listen, when you start a band, you play guitar, all guys can play, girls are pussies ’cause they just do down strokes. When you go to the guitar store, first, learn Stairway to Heaven and then do up strokes. (She strums a chord on her guitar) And they won’t fuck with you at all. ‘Cause, like, if you do an up stroke, they’ll think like you know what you’re doing, right.
Someone in Crowd: Hey, Courtney!
CL: What?
Someone in Crowd: You’re not wearing any underwear!
CL: Well, I am wearing underwear and it’s nice.
CL: This is a song about a jerk who has the same birthday as this bitch. It’s not…it’s not really all about him, so he shouldn’t take that much fucking…what do you call it?
MADM: ??
CL: Acclaim? Credit? Yeah, he tells everyone it’s all about him, it’s not, fuck him.
-VIOLET
CL: This song is called Sugar Coma.
-SUGAR COMA
CL: Night. Night.
-JUST DO IT/I WILL FOLLOW YOU
(Encore break)
Girl in Crowd: Courtney!
Audience starts chanting “Hole.”
Audience screams.
CL: I wouldn’t stage dive here for a thousand fucking bucks. You just fucking bruised my arms. Hey light guy, light guy! When the song gets fast, turn on the hou…the light like you just did and that way I can watch behavioral patterns. It’s an anthropology study. You got that? When it gets fast. Thank you.
CL: What’s the first? What’s the first one? Eric, what’s the first one? I forgot.
-HE HIT ME (AND IT FELT LIKE A KISS) (CUT)
-SHE WALKS ON ME (CUT)
CL: (During song) Turn the light on! The fucking light!
Opening chords to Old Age.
CL: Eric, Eric, I’ll start it acapella.
-OLD AGE
CL: Take a wild fucking guess at who wrote that.
Audience: Kurt!
CL: Aren’t you psychic? I wrote the good parts though.
Girl in Crowd: How about a cigarette, Courtney?!
Girl in Crowd: Courtney is a rock star!
Guy in Crowd: She takes more smack!
-SEASON OF THE WITCH
CL: Do you want to hear a song that me and Kurt and Patty wrote when were drunk?
Audience cheers.
CL: It’s really poppy. You want to hear it?
Audience cheers.
CL: It’s called Closing Time. Do you want to hear it or not?
Audience cheers louder.
CL: I wrote the good parts…no.
-DRUNK IN RIO (AKA CLOSING TIME)
CL: This song’s called Expressway to Yr Skull.
-OLYMPIA/TOUCH THE SKY
Guy in Crowd: That was bizarre as hell, I tell ya.