Venue: Selina’s
Location: Sydney, Australia
Hole Lineup: Courtney Love (Guitar/Vocals), Eric Erlandson (Guitar), Melissa Auf der Maur (Bass/Background Vocals), and Patty Schemel (Drums).
CL: I just met this really cute lesbian and got converted up against the wall.
Audience screams.
CL: I’m gonna tie my shoe. Hold on.
Audience screams.
Girl in Crowd: If you want to get in the front, get in the front of the line.
CL: You’ll never know how big my dick is, ’cause it goes all the way inside.
Guy in Crowd: Hey, get up. Get up. Get up.
Girl in Crowd: Get off my hair.
Guy in Crowd: Get up.
Girl in Crowd: Get off my hair.
CL: I know it’s huge.
-PLUMP
-SUGAR COMA
-BEAUTIFUL SON
-BIBLE BELT
CL: What was that…that lame chick DJ saying? That, like, you were teaching me chords?
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: No, no, no, I’m gonna tell jokes, asshole. Come up here, I’ll punch you like a kangaroo.
Audience screams.
CL: You know, I lived here. Didgeri-fucking-doo.
Girl in Crowd: It’s a fucking present!
CL: Oh, a little heart-shaped present. Thank you. That was very nice.
Guy in Crowd: I love you!
CL: BUT IT HIT ME ON THE HEAD!
-MISS WORLD
CL: Up your bum.
Audience screams.
CL: Did I gain weight or something? I feel really fat. Oh, it’s ’cause I’m pregnant! Um, ok, Stipe, Reznor, Corgan – immaculate conception! Dando, Michael Hutchence…
CL: So, what now is that bitch from the radio station gonna say that, like, I meant that?
Audience screams.
CL: This is Melissa Auf der Maur from Montreal.
Audience cheers.
CL: LOUDER! LOUDER! LOUDER!
Audience cheers louder.
CL: If I told you to suck my dick, would you?
Audience cheers.
CL: But it grows inside. It could be like a nine inch nail. Ah ha ha. Getting fucked like an animal, if you grew up on a farm, is kind of like getting fucked like a sheep – I would know, trust me. I come from a sheep farm in New Zealand. Don’t give me any shit. Alright, here’s a song about getting tied up and liking it a lot.
-JENNIFER’S BODY
CL: That guy in Silverchair is cute.
Guy in Crowd: They suck!
CL: He looks like my husband…but he sounds like Pearl Jam! Can I slag a band?
Audience cheers.
CL: Wait, I wanna slag a band for a second. I haven’t done that in about six months. Ok, Pearl Jam – Bryan Adams, Richard Marx, but like, like people really don’t like alternative music, so they pretend to like Pearl Jam, ’cause it’s sort of cool.
Guy in Crowd #1: Fuck you!
Guy in Crowd #2: Play a song!
CL: And, like, Eddie calls me and, like, I’m supposed to be his friend, but, you know, he sucks…but he doesn’t ?? No, Eddie’s nice, but they suck, ok. They just suck.
Guy in Crowd: Play a song!
CL: It’s Bryan Adams! It’s lame! It’s like Sherbet. You remember Sherbet? Howzat. See, I lived here. I can prove it. Sherbet.
Girl in Crowd: I’m trying to get out. I’m not trying to get in.
CL: (Singing) Howzat, you messed around…
Opening chords to Asking For It.
CL: Melissa, I have to change guitars…boy, that was the first time you ever fucked up.
MADM: You were talking too much. I was on time.
CL: Will you sing the rest of the backups in French? It gets me horny.
MADM: Yeah.
CL: Hi.
There are a few screams from the audience.
CL: Hi.
There are a few more screams from the audience.
CL: It’s Sydney. They’re jaded or something.
MADM: We’re starting this.
CL: What? What?
MADM: We’ve gotta start this song.
CL: Did your lesbian friend that slept in her coffin come?
MADM: (Laughs) I don’t know. She loves you.
-ASKING FOR IT
CL: Thank you, Chad.
CL: You know, you’re wearing a Blues Explosion shirt – all he does is slag me off. He’s jealous. Yeah, you know who’s going out with him? Well, he’s gonna, like, inherit 30 million when he turns thirty and then he goes out with ?? and she’s the ?? so it’s a good match.
Guy in Crowd: Play music!
CL: ?? I don’t mind Blues Explosion – as long as no one’s wearing a Nine Inch Nails shirt in this audience. ??
Guy in Crowd: Quit playing around!
CL: Oh, this song is dedicated to my friend, Trent. Ah ha ha. Drink! I need another drink! You guys drink, right? It’s Australia, right? Can I have another drink please?
CL: Alright, this is, like, you’ve gotta figure out whose baby this is – Stipe, Dando, Reznor, you know, whatever. It’s right out of my uterus to you.
Guy in Crowd: ??
CL: What? Well, you’ve got nice muscles. Your hands are meaty.
CL: I’m sorry to bore you. I smoke, I drink – it’s a thing.
-CARS (TEASE)
CL: I only know Down in the Park.
CL: Ok, Echo & the Bunnymen is my favorite band, but none of you will admit that, ’cause it’s uncool, right? They were so great. Why can’t you admit it? You all loved them, unless you were under 15. Are ‘Friends’ Electric? Can you play Are ‘Friends’ Electric? Oh no, but we’ve got a really good new wave one coming up, so…alright, like I said, this one’s to my fuckhead, asshole, shitbag, piece of shit, dick.
-GUTLESS
CL: (Singing) Take this longing from my tongue, all the useless things this hands have done.
-SOFTER, SOFTEST
CL: My daughter has chicken pox.
Guy in Crowd #1: You should tell stories!
Guy in Crowd #2: What are you doing, baby?!
CL: You want me to tell a joke? Melissa, what do you want me to do?
MADM: My nose is bleeding.
CL: All that chick from Triple J wanted me to do was gossip about rock stars.
MADM: My nose is bleeding. Just talk and I’ll sniff and blow my nose.
CL: I don’t know any jokes. What’s the difference between a killer whale and a lesbian – and Patty is one, so…20 lbs and a flannel shirt. That’s an American joke. I don’t know any other ones.
PS: What does a lesbian take on a date?
CL: No, they won’t get that here at all.
PS: A U-Haul.
CL: Ok, what does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul! That means that lesbians, like, get it together really quick. Like, my nanny and Patty, um, like, they had this affair and a week later, like, their two year girlfriends were on planes. Like, guys and girls, like, we fuck around and it takes us months. I don’t know, it’s just a lesbian thing. I think I should be a lesbian because…
Guy in Crowd: You’re a dyke!
CL: Well, I like Brad Pitt, but I don’t want to go see that movie ’cause I’ll get a crush on him and we’re friends. Ok, actors all want to be rock stars, so that’s out. No, I’m gonna be a lesbian, except when…when I did it, I did it once and afterwards, I was like ‘Where’s the beef?’ kinda thing. I can’t help it, Patty…oh, ok, your fingers. It’s not the same, it’s like a dick, you know. Oh, ok, you want me to stop…stop talking now?
Girl in Crowd: Yes! Play some fucking music!
CL: ‘Cause I’m not exactly a goddamn comedian. Melissa has a nosebleed – oh, I’m sorry!
MADM: No, I already told them, it’s ok. I think I hit my nose maybe or it’s all the air. Fuck.
CL: Ok, Melissa might be a fox, but that’s incidental. She happens to be the best bass player.
MADM: And I have a nosebleed that’s not attractive. It’s very attractive.
Opening chords to I Think That I Would Die.
CL: Billy Pumpkin put us together. I can’t believe that. Billy fucking Pumpkin. What the fuck is that?
Opening chords to I Think That I Would Die.
CL: I’ll do it. I’ll start it. I’m just talking about Billy Pumpkin, your best friend.
-I THINK THAT I WOULD DIE
CL: Put the lights on them. I wanna see ’em.
CL: You’re pretty good looking down there. Like, population size of L.A. and like, you’re all well fed and well dressed and stuff. What is that? What’s that song about Evan? Like, (Singing) ‘He gets his NME by mail.’
CL: You know, Evan’s our friend and don’t give him any shit, ’cause, like, he didn’t even come tonight ’cause he was all crying ’cause he thinks that people think that like we fuck and like we don’t. I mean it. You know why? ‘Cause Evan can only fuck 15 year olds – and Frances is more in his age range than me. I love him, but it’s true.
-BEST SUNDAY DRESS
CL: That’s a waltz. We just wrote it.
CL: Alright, can I have some, like, buckets next time.
Girl in Crowd: Courtney!
Courtney climbs up on a stack of speakers.
Audience screaming.
Courtney climbs from the speakers to the VIP balcony.
Guy in Crowd: Jump! Jump!
The band plays an instrumental jam without Courtney.
Audience screaming.
Courtney returns to the stage.
CL: Give me my fucking shoe. You wouldn’t have caught me and I would have liked that. Give me my shoe – it’s my favorite shoe!
-WHERE DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
The song stops abruptly. Melissa has fainted. She’s taken off stage.
CL: Keep going.
CL: I’m not done with the fucking song…dumbass.
Guy in Crowd: Dumbass.
CL: Play the end of the song.
Courtney, Eric, and Patty finish the song. The rest of the songs are played without bass.
CL: We could always do that song better than Kurt.
Guy in Crowd: UGGGHHH!
CL: And he knew it.
CL: (Singing) Jeremy smoked in class today.
CL: I just hate that band. I almost died and I still hate Pearl Jam. They’re just bad.
Guy in Crowd: Pretender! Pretender!
CL: I mean, even Soundgarden, who I don’t get along with, wrote one good song.
Guy in Crowd: No one gives a fuck!
CL: I know Eddie likes me, I shouldn’t ??
CL: It’s too late to send a dollar cassettes out in the fucking mail, right, it’s too late to spell Fugazi F-U-G-A-Z-I-E.
-PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
Guy in Crowd: Burn Black! Burn Black!
CL: Yeah we could do it without bass. Just do it, Eric.
-CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD
CL: Tell Melissa there’s some strong painkillers in my purse. They’ve got…they’re like…they’ve got codeine in them. Can we do this one without bass? We can’t do Teenage Whore without bass? Just be fucking punk for a second, ok?
Guy in Crowd: (Sarcastic) Oh yeah, you’re a real punk!
-TEENAGE WHORE
CL: Is that passable without bass?
Audience cheers.
CL: It’s ’cause you hit her so hard in the head with my shoe.
Guy in Crowd: Olympia!
CL: We had the suicide break, now we’re gonna have the smoke break.
Opening chords to Skinhead Girl. Courtney starts to sing the lyrics.
CL: Go. C’mon Eric, you know the chorus.
-YES, SHE IS MY SKINHEAD GIRL
CL: That’s by Unrest. It’s a really good song, but, uh, we don’t do it as well as them.
-DOLL PARTS
CL: That’s all we could do without our bass player – but maybe her head will get better and maybe if you want us to, we’ll come back.
Someone in Crowd: ??
CL: We can’t do that without our bass player.
Guy in Crowd: She had a bloody nose.
CL: (Singing) The sun shines in our window when we play, the raining always starts when you go away.